Okay, this probably falls under the category of “it can happen to anyone” but is also intended as a cautionary tale. A court ruled today that the CEO of the Swiss banking titan Credit Suisse, Brady Dougan, has to pay his former wife, Tomoko Hamada Dougan, almost $1 million for being a few days late (12) on a payment required by their divorce agreement. A million bucks for a few days! How can this be, you ask?

Well, the bottom line appears to be … he agreed to. When divorcing couples have come to an agreement on the resolution of all the issues in a divorce, they usually write up some form of agreement. This agreement memorializes all of the details and then gets submitted to a judge for final approval. If everything appears to be fair, both in terms of the negotiation and the terms of the agreement, then a judge will sign off on it.

As with settlement agreements in other civil cases, approved divorce settlement agreements are contracts that are binding on the parties. For this reason, it is important that they include and carefully describe exactly what each of the spouses wants to have happen. So, going back to Brady Dougan’s divorce case, a Connecticut court of appeals found that a penalty provision that Brady and his wife included in their stipulated judgment (a form of agreement), certainly applies to Brady.

His status as CEO might not have helped him either, as the court noted Brady Dougan is a “highly educated and financially sophisticated” individual who basically now “wants to avoid the obligation that he knowingly undertook.” Dougan’s lawyers pointed out that penalties provisions are discouraged in contract law (this is true), but the court simply noted that there exists a parallel policy that private agreements in divorce cases should generally be upheld.

It might not be necessary to shed too many tears for Dougan. If he’s earning what he earned at time of divorce, he’ll make back his million in about 3 weeks.

Your ex-husband has taken it upon himself to introduce your children to his new squeeze, the 22-year old that he met last weekend at the bar. What is your response?

Okay, change the scenario. Your ex-husband took your 6 year old daughter to McDonalds’ restaurant, accompanied by his 23-year old new girlfriend. What is your response? How should you act?

It happened to me…

One month ago, after a visit with her father, my daughter told me about daddy’s friend, “she’s so pretty and her hair is so long”. I gradually came to realize that daddy’s new friend was indeed his new girlfriend. Friends in the local community “did me a favor” by embellishing upon these details.

Swallowing the small amount of pride that I still retained, I contacted my former husband and asked him to confirm that, indeed, he had his new girlfriend accompany my daughter on his custodial visit. He confirmed that, indeed, together they had all visited the beach with friends (former mutual friends, I might add).

Attempting to contain my anger, in a somewhat futile manner, I said, “what happens if she gets attached to… this one?” He explained that this new girlfriend was of a sweet, disposition, from a “good” family, shared his background and values (which was a good thing??) and he trusted her. However, he did indicate that he understood my concern.

Skip to 2 months later… I still tremble when my daughter compliments the pretty friend and her pretty clothing. However, I am slightly reassured by this woman’s kind and gentle interactions with my child. I am also slightly reassured by my communications with my former husband insofar as he understands the implications of introducing a girlfriend to your child.

I don’t know how I will handle the day when my daughter asks me why her father is being physically affectionate with his pretty friend. I don’t know how I will explain this to her or explain it to myself. For now, I smile nicely when my daughter tells me how the pretty woman held her hand, as they crossed the street, or purchased her favorite candy. I turn my face and wipe my angry tears away, and I deal with it.